Stick A Fork In Me

After checking up on a couple blogs and coming across A Crown of Thistles, I decided it was time to close up shop here at Eating Chicken Vindaloo. The inDefatiguable mjenks had the right idea. It's time to close shop here and take a new direction in the blogosphere. Facebook has deeply cut into the blogging world. I've met quite a few like-minded people here on the ol' interwebs, and many of you are Facebook friends with me now, which is awesome, because now I can mock you there daily without the "trouble" of going from website to website.

Here are some of my most proud accomplishments at ECV.
- First off, I pretty much got Obama elected. He was clearly taking his cues from my keen political insights.

- I won numerous Caption Contests over at Lots Better Then Your Blog. And when I didn't win, I was clearly the people's champion. My favorite was my entry for a photo taken of a bunch of costumed losers at a comic book convention. It said, "Like a kid in a candy store, Falwless knew she wasn't going home alone tonight!" Coincidently, Falwless stopped the Caption Contest when most of my entries mocked her.

- Judge Judy and the Geico Caveman commercials are now universally recognized as the best TV show and commercials. By a mile.

- The Yankees are World Champs. UNC is the NCAA Men's basketball champs and their football team has been to 2 bowl games. The 12 Shades of Awesome Two Time Reigning NFC West Champion Arizona Cardinals, Probably the Greatest Team Ever Assembled - EVER! has been to the Super Bowl (if I'm being honest, I still don't know how that happened), and they've made the playoffs 2 consecutive years.

- I have made those who read my blog cooler and edgier with my incredible musical critiques, although I wash my hands with Red. I mean, come on, I can't perform miracles.

- The contestant I rooted for on American Idol successfully released a historical debut album, universally recognized as one of the greatest debuts of all time.

- Pretty much all the other good blogs out there are by bloggers who have basically stolen everything they do good from me.

- I completely fooled all of you with my "Guest Postings"! Ha! Those were written by me all along! Don't you feel foolish now?

This doesn't mean the end of blogging for me though. I plan on being better about getting postings up at my other 2 neglected blogs. I've already got 3 or 4 good ideas for postings at the West Point Skateboard Gang blog, so check in there if it interests you. And I still plan on stopping by your place to harass you every now and again.

See you around.

More Awesome Musical Insights

Here's the Wikipedia entry on Sparks.

Sparks is an American rock and pop music band formed in Los Angeles in 1970 by brothers Ron (keyboards) and Russell Mael (vocals), initially under the name Halfnelson. Best known for their quirky approach to song writing, Sparks' music is often accompanied by cutting and acerbic lyrics, and an idiosyncratic stage presence, typified in the contrast between Russell's wide-eyed hyperactive frontman antics and Ron's sedentary scowling.

The band's long career has seen them successfully adopt many different musical genres; including glam pop, power pop, electronic dance music, mainstream pop and most recently chamber pop. Whilst never achieving peak chart success, they have enjoyed a cult following since their first releases, Sparks have been highly influential on the development of popular music, in particular on the late 1970s scene, when in collaboration with Giorgio Moroder (and Telex subsequently), they reinvented themselves as an electronic pop duo, and abandoned the traditional rock band line up. Their frequently changing styles and visual presentations have kept the band at the forefront of experimentation and uniqueness in pop music. They are held in esteem by such peers as Depeche Mode, New Order, Morrissey, Mark Burgess of the Chameleons UK and They Might Be Giants, who all cite Sparks as a major influence.

Well said, well said. Now here's my take. I saw them on SNL back in '82. While the performance wasn't exactly their best, I instantly loved them. Their level of goofiness is what I aspire to be. I've soaked up as much of their music as I can. I only have more Ramones CDs in my music collection, and I proclaim Ron Mael the greatest keyboard player in rock history.

I defy you to check out the SNL performance of Mickey Mouse below (oh, yeah, it's for real), and not fall on the floor laughing. Especially around the 2:45 mark. Holy crap that's funny!

When It Rains, It Pours...

I've never had back to back postings on the same topic before, but with more time to reflect on my last posting, I thought it might be best if I clarify myself.

Adam Lambert
I've had more time to listen to Senor Lambert's new album, and after carefully taking in what others have had to say about it, one word comes to mind: getyerheadoutofyerassandcleantherocksouttayerearsandgetyerheadexaminedcauseyermadasafuckinghattersoshutyerpieholecuzyoudontknowWTFyertalkingabout. Hope that helps clear things up.

I issued a challenge in my last posting to people to listen to a track I thought was catchy and tell me they didn't like it. What's that you say? Nothing? Score one for me. Upon further listening, tracks 1, 3, and 10 are really, really good as well. And most of the rest are very listenable. I anticipate that this album will spend a long time in my CD player.

Are there any dogs on the album? Of course there are, most notably, the title track, For Your Entertainment. I can name only a couple of albums, though, that don't have a crappy tune on them*. Unfortunately, the Lambert camp has chosen to lead off with this one as his/their first single.

Another criticism I hear is that it's too "flamboyant", which is my PC code word for "so super-gay that it makes heteros like myself uncomfortable". OK, true on the For Your Entertainment track and a couple others, but, not so much on the vast majority of the album. I think 19 has missed the boat on the production of the vocal tracks. He has the pipes reminiscent of a Robin Zander, or a Mika, or even at times, do I dare say, Freddy Mercury? Oh, I do dare say! They should have turned all that synthesizer crap off and just let him sing. And yes, I do realize he has chosen Pop as he milieu for his first album, not my favorite by a long shot (Pop). Even with all that said, this is the best debut album I can think of since...since...(wait for it)...Van Halen I.

Tiger Woods
Tiger. Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. You know they have these Crisis Management Experts, right? They help you make the right moves to make stuff like this go away. Does he owe anyone outside of his family an explanation? Everyone, including and especially me, says "Hell NO!" But.
But, by hiding in seclusion and issuing statements on his website (amateur), the only thing he accomplished was piquing everybody's curiosity and sending the media into a feeding frenzy. Go interview the kid he beat up in the 3rd grade! Track down the girl he played doctor with when he was 4! Go find anyone he was seen with in the last 10 years! Dig! Dig deeper! I know Tiger didn't have to do anything, but the path he chose in dealing with his accident was really, really, really dumb.

God, I hate being right all the time**!

*Black Sabbath's Changes on Vol 4 is so excrutiatingly fingernails-on-blackboard unlistenable, I still have nightmares about it.

**No, I don't.

Grabbag Tuesday

I Love Being Right

Got the new Adam Lambert album and I'm liking what I hear. Up-bup: don't argue, hear me out. Is it overproduced? You bet*. Is it "Pop"**? Yes, it is. Should he have thrown in a remake or two? You got it. Quirky/different/strange? Check. That said, I think it's fantastic. It's still Adam Lambert. It's original and has several really good songs. I predict Sure Fire Winners is playing when Derek Jeter comes up to bat next fall as the Yankees win the second of six straight World Championships. Give it a listen and tell me it's not awesome!

How It Went Down
My buddy, Kingston Steve, says this is how it went down. A big fight, followed by Tiger storming out the door. He gets in his car, she goes after him with a nine-iron. He takes off, she smashes the windshield. He spins out of control, hits a fire hydrant and tree. Now furious, he gets out of the car and she smacks him good with the nine-iron. Kingston Steve asked me what about that is not believable. I gotta say - nothing. Tiger: tell us what happened, even if it's a made up story. Just make it believable.



*Seriously now - here's what you need to do in the studio: Plug in a microphone and give it to him to sing. There. That's all you have to do. The boys got the chops to sing - he's already proved that on American Idol.

**Almost my least favorite type of music.

Suddenly I See, Wait, No I Don't

Part I
Blogger doesn't let us cut and paste in the postings anymore? But they let you cut and paste in the comments so you can get spammed? WTF?

Part II
Everyone knows the South doesn't play around when it comes to crime, right? And South Carolina's not a place you want to be messing around in, right? If you were to, say, drive your Maserati at 85 MPH crashing it into a house, killing someone inside, then plead guilty to reckless homocide, you'd get the chair, right? How about 3 years probation? WTF?

Part III
If you're ever in Lehigh, PA, I wouldn't recommend the Lehigh Pub. Some college students went there, had their waitress vanish on them, and when the bill came, they refused to pay the 18% mandatory service tip. So the Lehigh Pub had them arrested. Talk about bad publicity. Yikes.

Part IV
A Calgary couple has had their children exempt from doing homework for life. I was ready to rail here about how it's everyone's right to be as stupid as they want to be...how nobody who got into a good college ever did so without ever having done homework...etc, etc, but the kids in question were just given lame photocopied handouts to do for homework each night, and the parents do work with their kids on schoolwork in preparation for tests and whatnot (so they say). So, I find myself strangely unwilling to criticize. Of course, if I had a kid whose homework seemed senseless, I'd complain and not make him do it.

Veteran's Day Posting

The following was read as part of a Veteran's Day Assembly back when I worked at the fancy-pants private school. It speaks for itself.

3 AM With The VFW - Welcome Home, Veteran
By Sgt. M Thomas

After months of extending our stay in Iraq, our unit was finally going home. The year had felt long enough. We had missed birthdays, holidays, births, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and when our final plane was hit by a de-icing truck in Germany, we were left feeling as though we'd never get back to our families.

We were ordered to de-plane in order to wait for the next flight. Sitting in the airport thoughout the night, we called our families with the bad news. We waited for what seemed like an eternity before finally catching another plane.

Thirty-six hours after our scheduled arrival, we landed in Bangor, Maine. It was 3 AM. We were tired, hungry, and as desperate as we were to get to Colorado, our excitement was tainted with bitterness.

While we were originally told our National Guard deployment would be mere months, here we were - 369 days later - frustrated and angry.

As I walked off the plane. I was taken aback: in the small, dimly lit airport, a group of elderly veterans lined up to shake our hands. Some were standing, some confined to wheelchairs, all wore their uniform hats. Their now-feeble right hand arm stiffened in salutes, their left hands holding coffee, snacks, and cell phones for us.

As I made my way through the line, each man thanking me or my service, I choked back tears. Here we were, returning from one year in Iraq where we had portable DVD players, three square meals and phones, being honored by men who had crawled through mud for years with little more than the occasional letter from home.

These soldiers, many of whom had lost limbs and comrades, shook our hands proudly, as if our service could somehow rival their own.

We soon learned that this VFW group had not only waited for more than a day in the airport for our arrival, but they were doing this for all the returning soldiers.

When the time came to fly home to Colorado, we were asked by our commander if we would like to join the VFW. Every hand in the unit went up immediately, including my own.

Looking back on my year in Iraq, I can honestly say that my perception of the experience was changed; not so much by the soldiers with whom I served - though I consider them my saving grace - but by the soldiers who welcomed us home. For it is those men who reminded me what serving my country is really about.

Another Fairy Tale...

So Steve Phillips made a fool out of himself again, shagging some underling at ESPN, embarrassing him and his family when the underling publicly went psycho after he kicked her to the curb. This is essentially a repeat performance of what ended his tenure with the Mets, only this time his wife left him. Now, he's trying to fly straight so he can repair his public image and maybe make a comeback sometime in the future. He's checked into a place that specializes in helping Sex Addicts.

OK, one slight problem here, and that would be...THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SEX ADDICT!!! Up-bup: don't argue. You'll only make yourself look foolish.

Let me explain. Let's consider a heroin addict. He/she should never take heroin ever again - EVER! Agreed? A gambling addict - once he/she gets his/her gambling under control, he/she should never gamble agian. Addicted to cigarettes/nicotine? Don't smoke! What about a "Sex Addict"? Should a "Sex Addict" never have sex again? Ever? Are you friggin' crazy?

Saying someone is addicted to sex because they cannot control themselves is like saying I'm a food addict or a water addict. Yeah, if I can't eliminate those things from my life, I guess I'm an addict!

Furthermore, it belittles what true addiction is by applying it to some made-up problem, and it puts a negative connotation on something that should be really great. Like, if someone went to church every day, would they be a church-addict? Ridiculous.

Now I'm not saying people don't embarrass themselves when it comes to their sex lives - many have and many will in the years to come. If someone makes a spectacle of themselves, though, I don't want to hear how they're pretending to get help for some made up condition. Gimme a break.