Psst, Hey You, C'Mere

Yeah, you. C'mere. All right, here's the deal. It's been cool you hanging around here and all, but. Uh-oh, someone's coming, act normal. *pretending to give directions* OK, so you want to go another mile on this road, then you turn left at the strip club...

OK, that was close. Where was I? Oh, yeah, "but". How can I put this delicately? Um, you need a "Coolness" make-over, ok? Yeah, you're like someone on What Not to Wear who wears sweats that she cuts randomly with scissors and proudly proclaims, "Oh, everyone says I'm soooo stylish!" What? How would I know about What Not To Wear? Um....well, that's what I heard people do on What Not To Wear, OK? Look, never mind about Stacey and Clinton and the $5000 and Nick Arrojo and Carmandy, ok?

Let's get back to your Coolness Make-Over. For instance, you've told me you don't know where the phrase "Eating Chicken Vindaloo" comes from. Shh, not so loud! People are going to think I hang out with dorks. OK, it comes from this song by the Ramones, and ...wha? What do mean, "Who are the Ramones?" *hits head on wall 6-7 times. Hard. Takes a deep breath.*

OK, it doesn't matter for now. Just download this song I Just Want To Have Something To Do. And while you're at it, you better download David Garza's Dylan-esque The Perfect Tear and a new song by the New York Dolls that just came out Runnin' Around. Now, git! What? No, it doesn't cost anything! Huh? No, I don't know how that's legal. Just do it before people see, OK?