Off With Their Heads!!!

Wall Street just doesn't get it, does it? I'm glad Obama's shining a big ol' spotlight on their bullshit! You think Bush would have? Um, what is "No", Alex? My brother's got it right over at his place. Jackson, bring back your catch phrase I used in the title!

Set your VCRs for Sunday! It's going to be historic!

Back In Business...

Did ya see who's back?

Someone (an all-girl band I suppose) needs to do a remake of "The Boys Are Back In Town" only make it "The Girls Are Back In Town". Stacy London would be agree.

Who Do I Think Is Going To Win Sunday?

Hmm, let me spell it out for ya!

C is for: “C, I told you the Cardinals would win!”
A is for: “A, you didn’t think the Steelers would win, did ya?”
R is for: “R you kidding me? Steelers win? Hahahahahahahaha…”
D is for: “D only way da Cardinals lose is if day don’t show up!”
I is for: “I know you’re rooting for the Cardinals, right?”
N is for: “N-ter the Sandman would be a great song for the Cardinals to walk on the field with!”
A is for: “A, didn’t I do this one already?”
L is for: “Loser. Actually that doesn’t really belong in here*.
S is for: “Super Bowl Champion, as in the 12 Shades of Awesome, Super Bowl Champion Arizona Cardinals, Probably the Greatest Team Ever Assembled – Ever!”

*..."Tion" ( shun) as in "to shun your body". Hmm, that doesn't really belong here...

Violence...Violence...It's The Only Thing, That Will Make You See Sense

Dat-dat-dat-duh
Dat-dat-dat-duh
Dat-dat-dat-duh
Dat-dat-dat-duh...

Awesome song (a Track of the Week), that Violence from Mott the Hoople's All The Young Dudes album.

I remember when I was 27 or so, living in Albany. I had a full-time job outside of teaching, but the economy was so bad, I was encouraged to substitute teach as much as possible because there just wasn't enough work for me at my regular job.

One day I was subbing, and first period I had a non-Regents class (sweathogs). About half way through the lesson, I heard a very slight noise to my right. "Tink." WTF? A couple minutes later, I heard it a second and third time. I carefully scanned the empty area trying to figure out what the hell was going on when I saw a couple pennies on the floor. "Are these little fuckers throwing pennies at me?" I thought. It didn't seem likely, because I thought they would have hit me if they had.

I finished the lesson with one eye on the class. I gave them some problems to work on and walked around the class checking and helping as directed by the sub notes. When I got to the front of the room to the right of where I was giving the lesson, I got it. The girl sitting there was "slow", I don't know, maybe mildly retarded. Certainly not much to look at either. Oh, man. One of the 4 assholes in the back of the room was throwing pennies at her.

Later, when the regular teacher called to see how things went, he told me she was in fact a little "slow", that she was the daughter of another teacher whose wife had died of breast cancer a year earlier, and that all the teachers were just trying to help get this girl through high school. Of course, I didn't know any of that when this was happening (probably a good thing).

Anywho, up to this point I hadn't given any indication that I knew pennies were being thrown. After all, I am the calm, cool, collected Mathdude. I had semi-long hair and was adept at pretending to look in one direction while actually looking in another. On the next penny throw, I saw who it was - the short, punk ass bitch behind the huge football player. I told him to see me at the end of class in 5 minutes.

OK, now what? I knew how this would probably end. I would walk with him on the perp-walk to the office. I'd tell the principal what happened. He'd deny it, say I don't have any proof, and accuse one of the other sweathogs around him. He'd get sent to his 2nd period class and high five his friends on his way to his seat...or would he?

I had 5 minutes to think about it. Dat-dat-dat-duh, dat-dat-dat-duh, dat-dat-dat-duh, dat-dat-dat-duh...

-To be continued-

More Of Mathdude's Unbelievable Music Insights

Asshole of the Year 2008
Did you hear about this one? While waiting to perform on the Today Show back in November, this rock star was in the "Green Room" when some kids with cancer from St. Jude's Hospital, who were also appearing on the show, came into the room. The rock star threw a hissy fit and told the Today Show people to get "THOSE kids OUT"! The Today Show people then escorted the kids to a closed food court with dirty bathrooms and no food to nosh on where they waited for an extended period of time until they went on. Who was this "rock star"? Marilyn Manson, right? Nope - it would be funny if he performed on the Today Show, though. Ozzy Osbourne? Nope. Alice Cooper? Emminem? Mick Jagger? Simon Cowell? Nope, nope, nope, and nope/not a rock star. The "rock star" was Barry Manilow! Jerkwad!

Tracks of the Week
As one of the world's foremost IanHunterologists and MottheHooplologists*, I have for you Big Time from Hunter/Ronson's YUI Orta which I picked up the other day with an Amazon.com gift certificate**. Sure, Big Time is Once Bitten, Twice Shy tinkered with and sped up to be a rockability song, but it's still awesome.

I've long maintained that the Hunter/Ronson callaboration is rock's greatest. Sure Jaggar/Richards and McCartney/Lennon may have sold more and/or written better songs, but each of those members would have done just fine on their own. While Ian Hunter is clearly a rock innovator, and Mick Ronson a hall of fame guitarist, their collaboration efforts far exceed what they did/could do individually.

From the get-go, Tracks of the Week have been about making available those songs that you may have missed. YUI Orta is one of my favorite Hunter/Ronson albums, even if it is overlooked for being released so much after their heyday (mid-70s to early 80s).

My other Tracks of the Week offerings are 2 lesser-known Mott the Hoople tracks: Violence and Henry & the H-Bomb. Enjoy!

*In no particular order, I believe the world's leading authorities besides myself are Jackson, his 2 brothers, and Beth.
**along with a Hives album I didn't have and Loverboy's Get Lucky - classic!

Grabbag Tuesday

Millimeters of Snow Blanket Western North Carolina
In all fairness, the lack of ability to clear the roads here does make for very slippery roads, much slipperier than in NY where the roads already have salt and sand on them from the frequent snow. That said though, it's comical how everyone rushes to the store to buy milk and bread. I'm talkin' gallons of milk and loaves of bread. I don't get it. It's supposed to be in the 50's by Thursday. What are you supposed to do with a shitload of milk and bread in 2 or 3 days? Also, schools don't factor in snow days into the school calendar like they do in NY, so nobody really wants to close. The college I teach at is on a delayed opening. Again. So I'm going to have to go in late and teach my one shortened class. Man it's tough teaching college.

Letters to my Brother-In-Law and Nephew
Because Coolmomma's hubby and son are die-hard Steeler fans, I'm mailing out a harrassing letter a day until the Super Bowl. The first goes out today. It's an invitation to the Arizona Cardinal Victory Party at my house following the game. Tomorrow I'm sending this.

Here's a typical Steeler fan on February 1, 2009, the day the Cardinals crush the Steelers in Super Bowl XLII.

Waaaaaaaahhh! The Cardinals are so much better than us!!! Waaaaaahhhh!

I know, I am mature, huh?

The 12 Shades of Awesome NFC Champion Arizona Cardinals, Probably The Greatest Team Ever Assembled - Ever!

Hmm, that has a nice ring to it. Of course they have no chance against the Steelers, right? Because, no way could they have beaten Matty Ice and the NFL's leading rusher in the first round. Then of course, there's no way they could beat the Panthers, who but for the fact they played the Giants in NY would have been the number 1 seed in the NFC. And no way they beat the Eagles who had made them look so bad on Thanksgiving.

So what are you missing? How about this: maybe Whisenhunt and his staff are showing themselves to be game planners beyond the likes of which we've seen. Perhaps their game plan all along was to save Edge's aging legs for the post-season. The contrast between the regular season Cardinals and the playoff Cardinals has been stunning.

Also, few know how hard Whisenhunt has pushed this team physically in the off-season. While I've surprised at how good they've been in the playoffs, I've also been surprised that they haven't had more success in the past two regular seasons under him.

I think it's perfectly fitting that Whisenhunt is playing the team that he left because they didn't promote him to head coach when Cowher left. As I've been saying throughout the playoffs, I like our chances.

It will be interesting to see Cardinal jerseys around for a change. In my 35 years of fanship, I have never met another Cardinal fan. Let the bandwagon jumping begin. Hey, Beckeye. C'mon, jump on up over here. I got a window seat on the bandwagon right here next to Red and Falwless. You better get on soon, because the spots are going fast!

As for yesterday's game, I was a bit surprised how they let Philly back in it, but not surprised we were able to take the lead back and hold onto it. Philly fans can't blame McNabb. Well they can and will, but they can't do so fairly. It's not his fault the Cards scored 32. He got them the lead in the 4th which would have stood up had the defense been able to show up when it mattered. He only threw 1 harmless interception that they got back on the fumbled return. I don't think any of that will matter to Philly fans. Oh well, sucks to be you guys!

Anyone interested in attending Mathdude's 12 Shades of Awesome Super Bowl Party and Cardinal Victory Party, let me know.

Beyond 12 Shades of Awesome

It's like, when the universe ends, what comes after that? Since the 12 Shades of Awesome Arizona Cardinals, Probably the Greatest, ah, you know the rest, won on Saturday night, I have been dazed. We've never been to this place before.

At half time, I was talking to my best friend, Kingston Steve, and he told me that sure, Arizona was up 27-7, but in all likelihood, Carolina was coming back and would win 28-27 because that was the script. He knew the script, he added, because he was a Jets fan. And he was right, except that the Cardinals continued to pummel the Panthers, more or less. Now, they are the last team to finally be in a Conference Championship. It's unbelievable. It's like seeing what's on the other side of the edge of the universe. If they get killed next Sunday, the season would still be successful beyond my wildest Cardinal fan dreams. I feel as good about this game as I did the other 2, though, so don't be surprised if they pull another rabbit out of a hat and win.

It would have been fun if they were to meet the Chargers in the Super Bowl as it would have given me further reason to trash talk with a certain San Diegan reader, but it wasn't meant to be. I may be able t0 get some trash talking in, though, if the Super Bowl ends up Pittsbugh vs. Arizona. I'm crossing my fingers.

Earning My 2009 Drysdale One Cat Picture At A Time

My cats are a perfect reflection of me. Hobbs is showing the curled up napping form I taught her while Pester Boy is demonstrating the advanced slacker stretched out nap he copied from me. Well done kitties!

Falwless, Brasso on the brass, copper, and gold parts, Wright's silver polish on the silver and chome, ok? Polish it about every 6 weeks.

Just Some Observations...

Vince is Way Better Than Billy Mays
OK, my first impression of Vince was not a very good one. Like many others in the blogosphere, I thought he came across as a sleazy used car salesman type in the Sham-Wow commercial. After seeing his latest "work" hawking the slap chopper or whatever the hell that thing is, I think I'm getting his dry sense of humor, and I like him. I wish I could say the same for Billy Mays. Any commercial I see him in, I immediately think, "Why are you shouting? Will you just shut the hell up?!" I'll take Vince any day.

I Was Right #34,578,901,397
I called my parents house 15 minutes before game-time and since no one answered I left this message,"Matty Ice will not have a good game. The Cardinals are winning this one!" Earlier in the day, I talked TA into betting the $15 he owes me (I hijacked my dad paying him back $5 over Christmas - ha!) on the Cardinals as well. When the Falcons scored right before halftime, my SOB 7-year old nephew called me up to ask me about the game - pissant! That's ok, I called him back at the end of the game*. It was pretty satisfying watching the Cards win. It's tempting to drive a couple hours down the road to catch this week's game live, but I think I prefer the comforts of home vs. getting beer thrown on me. As nice as the win was, in '98 they beat the Cowboys in the first round and then lost big time to the Vikings the next week. I'm holding off on the celebrations until I see another win. I think they've got a decent shot against the Panthers. Also, the Giants, Titans, and Chargers will win.

I Was Wrong #3
When The Mentalist came on, I thought it would be a copy of Psych, but it's actually really good. Further, Heroes completely sucked this year.

The Economy Is Ruining The Blogging World
Sure, many have become enamoured with Facebook, but I think people having to actually work at their jobs is killing the blogosphere. I'm hoping the new regime passes legislation allowing 4 hours of blogging at work for every 8 hours worked, kinda like the good ol' days last year. I start teaching on Monday, so I'll be one of those that wishes he had more down time to blog.

That's all I got for ya!

* - Hahahahahahaha! Cardinals won suckas! All you Cardinal-haters suck! Where are all of you now, huh? Wah, the Cardinals can't win because they stunk against New England, wah! They faked you out! The Cardinals don't have a running game - wrong! Losers! We saved an aging Edgerin James for the playoffs, you see that now, right! Super Bowl baby! Look out Panthers! Look out Giants! There's a new sheriff in town! Don't tug on Larry Fitzgerald's cape! Hey E-man, what's up with your Falcons now? How come you didn't call me back after halftime? Cards win! Cards win! Cards win!

Bob Lefsetz, Music Industry Insider/Genius

Here's one of Bob Lefsetz's recent newsletters. The dude is pure genius! If you wish to subscribe, go to http://www.lefsetz.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=1.

"You know physical retail is on its last legs when Bruce Springsteen creates a special product for Wal-Mart. It's like there's a flood and everyone has retreated to high ground. In this case, the one location that seems able to sell physical product. But it's really more like a drought. The consumer is no longer raining money. And it's even worse, there's not enough food at Wal-Mart. Bryan Adams' album didn't sell there. Not everything moves in the big box store. Not everything is moving period.

Pete Wentz is in every gossip blog known to man. The tiny dork is now part of the Simpson family and just like with his sister-in-law Jessica, the public is losing interest. Fall Out Boy's "Folie A Deux" not only didn't debut at number one, it fell into the chart at number 8, selling a whopping 110,000 fewer copies than last year's effort.

As for Web-craziness, Soulja Boy's album debuted at number 43, selling less than half of his previous effort, a measly 46,000 in total. AND THIS IS CHRISTMAS WEEK!

Blame it on the economy. Be my guest. Bury your head in the sand. But sales were off before it turned out the Wall Street masters of the universe were raping and pillaging our country, creating undervalued derivatives comprised of mortgages that people couldn't pay.

Yes, they're not going to buy CDs either, but they will still acquire music. Digital files.

Albeit for free. This is the end my friend. This is the last hurrah. And the record business does not employ enough people to warrant a government bailout. Sure, GM has been mismanaged for even a longer period of time, but by digital standards, the record companies were exposed to the canary in the coal mine first. But they'd listened to too many hard rock records to realize the chirping was gone, they only heard the tinnitus in their ears.

No one's got any sympathy for the record companies. Who are now in land grab mode, their 360 deals no different from kings hoarding the goods of peasants. As for the acts... Too many had lifestyles equivalent to the Wall Street players. Consumers like supporting your music, they're not so happy about financing your lavish lifestyle.

But musicians think they're immune. Very few remember the pre-Beatle days. When stardom did not mean vast riches, diamond selling albums, private jet lifestyles. They just can't believe they're not entitled to wealth. So, when record sales tanked, they just raised ticket prices, as if the public didn't notice. But it's interesting, people only want to pay a lot to see the legendary, classic acts. Or maybe the new ones once. We're not building any infrastructure. We're just throwing crap against the wall. And now our cupboards are bare. The audience has moved on. They'd rather buy wiis. They deliver more entertainment value.

Sales last week were off THIRTY THREE PERCENT from the equivalent week last year. If you can find a silver lining in this fact, you probably believe Bernie Madoff is going to take it all back on Passover, saying he just wanted to play a practical joke on his investors.

The record companies, the publishers, they've made music free. All in the name of saving it, of protecting its value. Good work guys. And now even your pension money is in jeopardy, you had to put those double digit millions somewhere. You fucked it up really good. You said people would rather listen on physical discs. You thought music was best when it was ten tracks for almost twenty bucks. You thought the iPod was overpriced and then demonized Apple for creating an online market to capture some digital sales money. You deserve to lose your jobs. Your companies should be turned over to twentysomethings who know how people truly acquire music these days. You were building the equivalent of SUVs for years, but now the bottom has fallen out. Because people don't want overhyped product with very little lasting satisfaction at the center.

It's a new day. The future paradigm is how does one get people to listen to your tracks from the vast assembled multitude of music they pay very little for. It's a heyday for listeners, everything's at their fingertips. The labels could have monetized this acquisition, if only they'd owned up to reality. But if you never used Napster, how could you realize how great it was?

You can't sell CDs in defunct Circuit City stores. You can't sell them in the indie shops that have gone under. Wal-Mart may move some product, but it's taking fewer titles. It's like a game of musical chairs. Sony's happy AC/DC broke through, but nothing else has. Time to change the game. Time to stop running for the hills and to build a boat. Time to realize the nineties are over. Hell, MTV not only isn't airing any music, its numbers are tanking and it's banking on reality shows. They missed the Internet too. Stop looking at your old partners and start dealing with reality."

Guest Posting #3: Rassles

It's always exciting to write on someone else's blog. Usually I live here.

I think it’s like going to a bar you’ve never been to and drinking a couple dozen White Russians – you never know where you’ll end up and when it’s done, you’ll probably be filled with regrets and lots of questions about what happened. I don’t know what Mathdude expects me to write here. I’m not that good at math, and I certainly don’t know any math jokes. Still, he doesn’t ever write about math, so how bad can I be?

(Cell phone rings to One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer ringtone)

Me: Hello?

Molinder: Where are you?

Me: I’m at Eating Chicken Vindaloo.

MoL: Where’s that?

Me: It’s Mathdude’s blog.

MoL: Mathdude? Who’s that?

Me: I don’t know. Some sketchy old dude. I think he’s stalking me.

MoL: So why are you writing a post for him?

Me: I don’t know. As a favor, I guess.

MoL: Because you’re easy?

Me: Because you’re a skanky ho?

MoL: So you’re writing fiction, now?

Me: So you’re a skanky ho, now?

MoL: You should write about how highly I think of your writing…

Me: Aw, Molinder…

MoL: …‘cause if you’re writing fiction, you might as well go all out.

Me: I think I’ll write about how you’re so easy, you’d do Alan Rickman.

MoL: Oh, yeah, you’re so easy, you’d do William Atherton.

Me: Hi, Hans. I'm Molinder. You’re cute. Wanna do me?

MoL: Are you drunk?

Me: Drunk? No way. I don’t wrink and drite, I mean drink and write.

Me: You know what, since I’m doing the writing, I can put down that you said anything.

MoL: You wouldn’t!

MoL: I am a skanky ho. I do think Rassle’s blogging is awesome, and I most definitely would do Alan Rickman any time he wants, any way he wants!

Mailbag Time

What better way to start the New Year than with the interweb's most hated running gag!

From BE in NY: "Va va va hey mathdude. Va va va va I bet va va va va va you're jealous of me being able to go to va va va va Times Square for New Year's Eve, huh? Va va va.." Kay, uh, what is "NO" Alex? Freezing cold, Hanson, er, Jonas Brothers, Lionel Ritchie, and the DJ formerly known as Dick Clark - I think I'll take a pass. Speaking of Dick Clark, dude, it's time to wrap up the New Year's show! Seriously. He was so patheticly bad, he won't recieve much criticism except here. I get it. Your life doesn't end after a stroke. Fine, go on Oprah and tell your story. Be an inspiration to other stroke victims. Be a spokesperson for stroke victims and raise tons of money, but don't pretend that old running gag that you don't age still applies. Turn it over to the latest haircut. Seacrest is ok for that show. Dude, you're creeping us all out.

From Mikey in Boston: "How'd your 'Super Bowl' go, Mathdude?" Hey thanks for rubbing salt in that wound by reminding me that my "Bridesmaid" football season continues. Sadly, I lost my fantasy league's Super Bowl which continued the trend of finishing second for me. I finished 2nd in last year's bowl pool, and I was the runner-up 4 different weeks in my family's college football pool this year. However, it's 2009, baby! I'm going to win the bowl pool! I'm starting the year only one game back. If the boys from Iowa, Michigan State, Clemson, USC, and Virginia Tech can find a way to win today, I can coast to an easy win and not even have to worry much about Texas Tech, East Carolina, Alabama, UConn, Texas, Tulsa, or Florida winning for me.

From Not Hungover 'Cause I'm Still Drinking in Chicago: "Hey Maffdoooooode! I got that posting ready for ya! Wooooo! Yipee-ki-yay mother fucker! Party on! Excellent! Whooo-hooo! " Um, ok, great. BTW everyone, I just remembered. I have jury duty on Monday, so I'm having another guest poster. Another aside - my ECV posting of my 12 Most Influencial Songs is in reruns over at the West Post Skateboard Gang Blog.

Strange Coincidence
This is like that Lincoln-Johnson thing.

Mike Shanahan: Didn't get the job done. Starts 2009 looking for work. Looks just like George W. Bush.






George W. Bush: Didn't get the job done. Starts 2009 looking for work. Looks just like Mike Shanahan.









That's all I got for ya! Happy New Year everyone except Falwless!